did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
