sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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