I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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