oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
