Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
