FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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