I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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