Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
