I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
