soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
