one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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