I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
