I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
