I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
