You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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