The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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