so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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