okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
