Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
