Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
