Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
