your room smells of hookers.
And success
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
