idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
