apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
