His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
