Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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