the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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