batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
