I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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