Umm I'm too high to move.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
