this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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