Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
