my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
