I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
