this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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