Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He? As in you personified your dick?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
