Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
