It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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