i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
