I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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