he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
