I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
