He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
