I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
