to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
