It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
