Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
