this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
