I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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