their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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