he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
