he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
