she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
