Welp...herpes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
