Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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