Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
