I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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