by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
