She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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