Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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