hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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