y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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