I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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