New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize