No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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