Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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