The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
