Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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