That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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