apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
did i walk over a car last night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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