and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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