I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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