i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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