guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
