She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
