Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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