Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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