the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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