You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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