the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
