can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
